Gah. It's freshman year all over again and I'm becoming an insomniac. Because putting off going to sleep for as long as possible is more appealing than waking up in the middle of a panic attack. (at least in the dorms I had fellow insomniac Kate to keep me company and entertained) (disclaimer - I'm trying not to turn this blog into all anxiety all the time, because really, how much fun would that be for anyone? but maybe getting some of it written down and out of my brain will help. it's worth a try) So last night I was going to post about how nice it is to be making progress back toward 'normal' since I went out with friends and had a good time and even handled a typically anxiety-inducing setting (crowded dance floor in basement = claustrophobia) without freaking out, but decided I was too tired and just went straight to bed. Then woke up around 5 am in the midst of what should have been a fairly run-of-the-mill panic attack. Even though I have them mostly under control, I still periodically wake up feeling short of breath. No biggie, I just sit up and take a few breaths and talk myself down. This time when I sat up my heart rate also jumped up, and for some reason, for just a minute, I felt like I might pass out. So of course my brain freaks out about what might happen if I passed out when no one was around (duh - virtually nothing considering that the primary risk from losing consciousness while alone is hitting your head, and from a sitting position in a soft bed, that risk is pretty low) and what should have been a two minute thing turned into a 30 minute episode. Blah.

and for the crazy cat lady section of this entry - maybe it's just something in the air lately, because the cat is all worked up too. everytime I sit down anywhere in the apartment she's on me, immediately curled up in my lap, and if I pick her up to move her because I have to get up, she cries. totally out of character.