Gymno

succumbing to peer pressure

Friday, September 02, 2005

Parents and (unconditional?) love

So Carrie and I had a little impromptu therapy session tonight and talked briefly about the whole parent thing. Her take is that we either buy into our parents loving us unconditionally, either in agreement or disagreement with whatever the relationship may actually be, or we accept that under some circumstances, even if they are extremely rare, that love and support is contingent upon something. I'm not sure where I fall on that spectrum of thought right now, but what I do know is that I have to figure out a way to make my parents less influential in my life. I always thought that I did a pretty good job of seeing them as fallible humans, outside the Mom and Dad box. I've always acknowledged that they sometimes do and say things that seem 'wrong' to me or for whatever reason they don't provide the reaction that I need at that point in time. And I always thought of myself as forgiving and understanding of that. They aren't perfect, they make mistakes, they hurt my feelings, but these things happen. They're generally good people, well-intentioned people. So if those things are true...how is it that I seem to have internalized the few 'bad' things in our relationship? And how come I can't seem to outgrow so desperately needing their approval, first and foremost, before my own or my colleagues'?

3 Comments:

Blogger Flash!topian said...

As you said last night, I think your dependence on your parents' love is probably a function of how enmeshed you feel in a coherent network of people who supply your emotional needs. We've only been where we are a few years, and even our best new friends are still feeling out how and when to be there for us. The desire for there to be a failsafe net under that is strong. I certainly don't believe my parents' love is unconditional, but I do depend on them more than I used to. Just remember: real love may never be unconditional, but it is at least based on who you are, rather than what you do.

10:55 AM  
Blogger Megan said...

Thanks. I think I really needed to hear that.

11:01 AM  
Blogger Flash!topian said...

New blog from me:
http://bushisincompetent.blogspot.com

4:29 PM  

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