succumbing to peer pressure

Sunday, April 17, 2011


So I'm in wine country, in a ridiculous villa, with 16 other women. Which is awesome, in no small part thanks to the fact that these women are awesome.

We just spent an entire day drinking, in the way that you do in wine country. And there were conflicting interests and desires and priorities and people navigated all of it in this really impressive way. There were compromises to be made and people didn't always get what they wanted. But no one ever stewed or pouted and everyone communicated about what it was they wanted and why they were upset or had a certain preference or wanted a certain thing. And at the end of the day, not everyone got just what they wanted, but we all got a lovely day, and, as far as I can tell, no one got their feelings hurt and everything progressed quite smoothly.

I'm not sure how much of it is just because I've been around a group of people who seem to handle such situations poorly (lots of emotional landmines in my current extended friend group) and they happen to all be in their 20s, but I genuinely do think a lot of today's experience is thanks to the fact that all the women here are 30+.

I know I was pretty psyched about my 30th birthday. And I feel like I did a lot of important work and growing up in my late 20s. So I'm sure I'm biased - but I can't help but look around at these women and think how lovely it is to be around women in their 30s who have their shit together and seem so comfortable with who they are. Lots of them are still figuring things out - jobs, boyfriends, life. But they have this attitude, this sense that they've figured themselves** out, and you can take or leave what they have to offer, but here it is.

It is so honest and clear and refreshing. I had practically forgotten that I was missing it.

Mel and I talked last night about how a fundamental component, for us, of being a grown-up is choosing your friends. There are enough situations (i.e., work) where you have to make nice with people you don't actually like. In your personal life, when possible, it's your prerogative to spend as much time as possible with people with whom you enjoy spending time. So there's an inherent selection bias, since Mel is quite good at culling her friend group back to only include people who are genuine and genuinely awesome.

But I'm awfully glad she's like that, and I'm happy to be reaping the benefits with this lovely weekend with these amazing women. 30+ is awesome.

* yes, I'm generalizing from a few anecdotes. yes, as a statistician I should know better. gonna do it anyway.
**of course, there are exceptions to this. I like anyone who has managed to figure themselves out, and there are plenty of people in every age category who manage that. but I think this is the highest density of such people I've encountered in a long time, and they all happen to be over 30


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