Ah Shelby. You may be an asshat, but you sure do know how to bring the funny. Turns out that the Federation of American Scientists got some intern to create ReallyReady.org, a parody site of Ready.gov (if you missed Ready.gov months ago (years ago?) when it was all the rage on teh internets, be sure to jump on the bandwagon now. It'd provide hours of hilarity, if it weren't just so fucking terrifying that this is how our department of homeland security is seriously spending millions of dollars to keep us safe...do you feel safer? I know I do).

Actually, most individuals who see a mile of their downtown disappear are quickly incinerated and pulverized, as shown by this handy "You are here are smeared were here are screwed" escape route map (don't worry, most nuclear blasts are confined to a single city block). Of course, the superfluous "quickly assess the situation" bullet wastes all of 800 pixels and 0.4 seconds of the average literate person's time, a true crime of bad website design, whereas the FAS lets Ready.gov get off scot-free for suggesting that once in our bomb shelters we should "watch TV, listen to the radio, or check the Internet for official news as it becomes available." A whole Federation full of Scientists couldn't point out that the electromagnetic pulse from a nuclear blast renders that piece of digital-age advice about as useful as "duck and cover?"

I could go on and on, but there's real work to be done, so let me get to the point: apparently, neither DHS nor the FAS can ultimately save you from dying of bird flu while putting on your N95 dust mask and injecting yourself with atropine underneath a fiery mushroom cloud that blocks your view of the oncoming mega-hurricane that's just tossed Al Gore's Learjet aside like so many signing-statement-neutralized pieces of legislation, so pay your taxes, find Jesus, and remember that the nearest exit may be behind you.

Listening to me, however, may or may not help.

Also, if you're interested, that first link goes to the Young Dems of Atlanta, who are, in my humble opinion, the best democratic party action in a very red state. So if you ever happen to feel compelled to toss a few dollars their way, you could really pat yourself on the back about it.

UPDATE: turns out the ready.gov site has relegated their crappy cartoon graphics to downloadable pamphlets. These were really the source of most of my original amusement. So go to ready.gov, click on get informed, then pick your disaster and download a handy dandy pamphlet!