succumbing to peer pressure

Sunday, February 16, 2003

*sigh* So there's this guy, whom I've known for ages. And we have this nice, fun sort of relationship. And nothing between us ever seems serious. So on a couple of occasions we've fooled around a bit, and it's always just seemed like a fun, no strings attached, kind of time to me. But one of our mutual friends has suggested that, even though this guy would probably never admit it, he didn't quite see these little sessions the same way, and in fact they were kind of hard on him, so I should avoid letting them happen in the future. I didn't quite believe this particular friend's theory, but I kept it knocking around in the back of my head nonetheless. So tonight this guy and I are hanging out and it happens to come up that he's "seeing" someone. Which adds just a bit of complication when he starts rubbing my feet and kissing me. So at one point I pull back and ask if this is the sort of relationship he has with this girl, where he can come home and make out with me. He responds by pointing out that I must like him, at least a little, since I'm kissing him back. I respond with the great, non-commital "you're not so bad." (but said in what I hope is a joking, flattering way) So this continues, periods of fooling around with me stopping to point out that this isn't a good idea and I should probably go home, before going right back to kissing him. But eventually, he seemed to...I don't know, not lose interest, but...I can't really explain, I just know that I left feeling like I had sent him unfair, mixed signals and like I'd used him. And while I may not want to marry the guy, I do care about him, and I do wish I could go back and change something about the evening so that I didn't leave feeling like I had caused him to feel badly.


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