Over on AWB's site, in comments, Snowqueen says, "I just like to keep my sanity polished and in working order." Amen sister. Today was one of those days. Ever since last summer, I tend to view my sanity as a bit more fragile than I used to. Perhaps sanity is too strong of a word. I don't mean that I feel on the verge of curling up in a rubber room on a regular basis, but I do appreciate that some days I'm at a higher level of functionality than others. And I appreciate that it's a process, requiring work, to maintain that higher level of functionality. And sometimes it just doesn't work.
One of the things we talk about in Active Minds is treating mental illness like any other illness. So I'm trying that approach with myself. Today was just like waking up with a bit of head cold. I just felt a bit off, and that's ok. So I hung out in my pajamas and watched a bunch of particularly crappy tv and did actually manage to get a bit of work done. And low and behold, I'm feeling better. I know that it passes, but just like when you feel physically sick, sometimes you have to remind yourself that you will feel better, in a reasonable amount of time. And there are things you can do to make yourself feel better, but beating yourself up for feeling crappy is really counterproductive.
So there's that.
I'm leaving for Texas on Friday, so if I don't post for a week, I'm not dead, just hanging out in an even redder state (hard to believe that's even possible).
And I'm trying to get my fall schedule together. As I mentioned earlier, I'm incredibly lucky and will be funded through a training grant all year (and next year). But of course, I can't say no, so I still have all these other things going on. I have two TA positions (one primarily grading, minimal student interaction, the other more standard class attendance and office hours plus grading)...I'm guessing 10-20 hours a week total. Then there's research and dissertation work for my advisor. I put that at 30-40 hours a week. And I'm coaching gymnastics again, one day a week, so that's another 5 hours (for coaching time plus commute). And I'm taking one class this semester, heavy on the reading and writing but no math...I figure some weeks there will be virtually no work associated with that, other weeks I'm hoping to max out at 5 or 10 hours of work (including in class time). So...figuring at the high end of those estimates I'm up to...75 hours a week? So I guess that means I should turn down a third TA position, right? damn. But here's the thing. The first TA position, the on that's grading only, is actually setting up a website to post the homework assignments and the website will do the grading. Most of this work I've managed to do over the summer, and I hope to have about 95% of it done before the semester even starts. So that TA job really shouldn't take up a lot of time (famous last words). The other, more traditional one, is one that I've done before, so it also shouldn't be all that time consuming, right? And the third is online, for a distance learning class, so I could do that in the middle of the night in my pajamas sitting in front of the computer. So that practically doesn't even count...I should still say no, right? I need better willpower....
Oh, and lastly in my random stream of consciousness - I've been having these thematically recurrent dreams the past few nights. The details are different each time, but they all revolve around a long trip, and the trip itself is generally fairly stressful...once it was a fairly straightfoward road trip, but last night it was actually a forced exodus on foot...that probably means something, yeah?
8 Comments:
You flying or driving to Texas? 'cause if you're driving and need a place to stop for the night, you've got a bed in Oklahoma...
~S.
Flying, but thanks for the offer! Someday...
Eh, Oklahoma's a fly-over state. You're not missing much. I still think I could make it entertaining in the short-term, but I don't think its going to be high on your list of regrets.
So, in regards to mental illness, if we're carrying on the analogy to physical illness, I have these questions:
1. How do we determine when mental illness is beyond our ability to deal with, and requires professional help?
2. How much should we encourage people to learn to deal with the stress and mental dillemas of day to day life? I mean, coddling all illness doesn't do much to build up the 'immune system', right?
Addendum:
By deal, I mean deal on their own. If I were to explain the stigma I feel is attached to seeking help with mental illness, it'd be in saying that by seeking help, we're admiting that we can't deal with our own lives. Everyone else seems to be able to do that, so how can one feel ok with asking for help that no one else seems to need?
It's certainly easier with things like BPD or schizophrenia or whatnot, since there's a physical component to that. But more diffuse conditions, like depression? When is enough enough to need help?
~Sid
Austin, TX by any chance?
Sid - with regard to (1) I think that's the hardest part because it has to be so deeply personal. What feels overwhelming to me and drives me to therapy may feel totally mundane to someone else. It's a catch-22, because precisely when you're doubting yourself and your reactions to the world, you need to be able to determine if you can handle something or need friend-help or professional-help. With regard to (2) and the addendum, for me, that's sort of the point of therapy - to get back to a place where I can deal with the everyday and where my coping mechanisms not only work better but are healthier for me in the long run. And with regard to the stigma, well, that's why I try to talk about it so much. As I said here , and Amelia so rightfully pointed out in comments, it is a double-edged sword. Because on the one hand you want to make therapy (and other help-seeking behavior) seem normal and acceptable. Hence the physical analogy - if you'd been sick for a week with swollen lymph nodes and a moderate fever, no one would look at you funny for checking in with your doc. In a perfect world, mental health help would also be expected and par for the course. But there's a critical difference between a sprained ankle and cancer or diabetes.
And I hope that by talking about it I can start to reduce that whole idea of how come I can't handle this when everyone else can? Because it's certainly been my experience that the more I open up about my anxiety issues, the more other people open up about theirs. Just within my 10 or so closest friends here there are three of us who have panic attacks. Anecdotally, it seems that the incidence in the general population has to be higher than people often perceive it to be. (although I am willing to concede that my friend group is certainly very self-selective in terms of driven, ambitious people, who are arguably more inclined toward stress-related issues)
Heebie_geebie - yes, indeed!
Welcome to my fair city! If your schedule permits, want to meet up for coffee or something?
Yes please! Send your contact info to meprice at emory dot edu. though schedule permitting will be a bit of a hurdle - I'm at the mercy of the parents, as they're the ones with a car.
Post a Comment
<< Home