succumbing to peer pressure

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

My make it better person* (an ode to PC)

Because I'm not in a relationship, and haven't been for ages, I'm not a consistent priority in anyone's life (excluding my parents). I don't mean this in a woe-is-me sort of way, just a matter-of-fact sort of way. When you're in a (good, functioning) relationship, part of the deal is that that person tends to think of you often, and before most everyone else in his or her life - would you be interested in seeing this movie with me? would you like this book? should we try this restaurant together? how are you feeling? how did your presentation go this morning? etc. etc. The closest thing I have is one of my old roommates from college - it's the little things that stick in my memory - I came back for a weekend visit one summer and he remembered that I liked bagels for breakfast, so he stocked the fridge with just a few bagels and tiny one-serving cream cheese packets. He knows me well enough that when I was moving into my first apt here and I complained to him over the phone that I had put my desk chair together wrong because I had been careless about the instructions and correct number of screws involved he said, that doesn't sound like you, is everything ok? And tonight he told me that even when I'm angry I'm a pretty reasonable person. Which was perhaps not particularly deep or insightful, but it's what I needed to hear. Because I inevitably talk myself into waiting and calming down before telling someone that they've done something hurtful, and I inevitably convince myself that my previous anger was all out of proportion and unreasonable and end up never (rarely) standing up for myself.

*this is a lame reference to Felicity. I'm sure I've made it before. Noel says to Felicity that he wants to be her make it better person - whatever is happening in her life, good or bad, he wants to be the one to help make it better


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yay for PC and yay for Felicity! Also, it takes time to make new friends--I still haven't "replaced" L, but I am finding myself pleasantly surprised by new people. Hang in there.

8:56 AM  

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