Drugs
This morning I was prescribed Lexapro, 10 mg a day. It's a selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor. I haven't decided yet whether I'm going to take it. I think I'll let it sit in the medicine cabinet for a while and think about it. On the con side, I'm fairly hesitant about the whole idea - I'm a control freak, and I would prefer to feel like I fixed me rather than drugs fixed me. I know therapy is a level of help, but it's a level with which I'm fairly comfortable. I want to develop an arsenal of tools for the next time my body freaks out, and I'd rather that arsenal not be pharmaceutical. (no worries - I'm not turning all Tom Cruise. I know and love many people who are better off thanks to pharmaceuticals. I'm just not convinced they're what I need right now) On the pro side, I was just complaining to my therapist last week that although I definitely feel much better, over the week leading up to that session I felt like I had plateaued and that now there was this constant underlying current of stress and anxiety. And certainly if I could get that underlying current to back the fuck off a little, I would be more able to focus on making myself better. But back on the con side, since then I've had several good days in a row (I almost hate typing that, as I inevitably jinx myself that way and get hit with a whammy of a bad day soon after) and have even begun to feel a little...resilient again. Once again on the pro side, just last night I was thinking how to some extent this summer is being stolen from me, since even though I'm far from being depressed, I'm definitely not enjoying things the way I normally do. This is one long lazy summer, full of mornings spent in bed and afternoons on the lake and evenings cooking out with friends and generally precisely the sort of mundane things in which I luxuriate. And there's been a fair amount of going through the motions on my part (not entirely, I assure you! but more than I'd like). But maybe that isn't the worst idea - perhaps there is something to the whole fake it until you make it notion...
Of course I came home and started doing my research. There are obvious anti-pharma sites out there with individual horror stories, but I'm a statistician after all and need more than anecdotal evidence. Unfortunately, the only hard numbers I could find were from a pretty small study (by clinical trial standards). Incidence of side effects for those taking Lexapro for Generalized Anxiety Disorder:
headache - 24% (103/429) on Lex vs. 17% (73/427) on placebo
nausea - 18% (77/429) vs. 8% (34/427)
drowsiness - 13% (56/429) vs. 7% (30/427)
insomnia - 12% (51/429) vs. 6% (26/427)
Other potential side effects include:
"If you experience any of the following serious side effects, stop taking Lexapro and call your doctor immediately or seek emergency medical treatment:
| · | an allergic reaction (difficulty breathing; closing of the throat; swelling of the lips, tongue, or face; or hives); |
| · | an irregular heartbeat or pulse; |
| · | low blood pressure (dizziness, weakness); |
| · | high blood pressure (severe headache, blurred vision); or |
| · | chills or fever. |
| • | If you experience any of the following less serious side effects, continue taking Lexapro and talk to your doctor: |
| · | headache, tremor, nervousness, or anxiety; |
| · | nausea, diarrhea, dry mouth, or changes in appetite or weight; |
| · | sleepiness or insomnia; or |
| · | decreased sex drive, impotence, or difficulty having an orgasm. |
| • | Side effects other than those listed here may also occur. Talk to your doctor about any side effect that seems unusual or that is especially bothersome." |
I know, I know, all drugs have side effects. The name of the game is whether the gain from the medication outweighs the potential discomfort. Today, I'd say it doesn't. But there are days when I could certainly use some relief. So...I'd rather have thought this whole thing out on one of my good days and made a decision about what to do...a decision I don't think I'm really any closer to making right now...
The bottom line is, I don't really feel like I'm back at my personal baseline. But the test was only five weeks ago, and I've only been really focusing on making myself better for three weeks. And making serotonin the old fashioned way, by running/biking/rowing/lifting my ass off definitely seems to be helping (aside - you'd be amazed how much easier it is to convince yourself to go to the gym when the motivation is, "I need to improve my mental health" rather than, "my thighs are too big!"). And although I don't really feel like me, it's not significantly impeding my ability to do my work or spend time with friends or otherwise go about my daily routine. So I guess I wait.
1 Comments:
Hey megs, its been like forever and a day since i talked to you. I am sorry to hear about your problems with anxiety, but as you know i am basically a poster child for psychiatric drugs and so you know Lexapro is probably the best one you can take. It isn't addictive and the only side effect i have had is occasional dry mouth. The fact that it is non-addictive is great because if you miss a couple of days you don't get sick and if you need to quit taking it for any reason it isn't dangerous to quit cold turkey.
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