succumbing to peer pressure

Sunday, May 16, 2004


Well...I have to admit. Today is a less good day. Up until this point, studying had been making me feel better. I was actually feeling like I might have the vaguest clue about what's going on, that I might have the slightest chance of actually being a statistician. But today has been full of frustration and my brain hurts and I feel like I haven't even accomplished anything on my "studying to do list." I know this will pass, but it's currently taking a moderate amount of self-restraint not to give the middle finger to all my notes and books. I am, after all, sitting outside at Caribou Coffee and it seems like that might be slightly socially inappropriate. Yesterday April said something along the lines of "you're smart and studious and a good student" and I sort of wish I could record that for days like today. I'll turn into Stuart Smalley - I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and gosh-darnit, I will pass my qualifying exams.
Also, have been very tempted lately to re-take-up smoking, just until the exams. I find the occasional cigarette often provides the perfect length study break and I like pacing and smoking and gesturing with a cigarette when I'm stressed out. And yes, I realize these are all incredibly lame reasons to smoke, and as a public health student I should obviously know better. But then I start rationalizing that there's a finite amount of damage I could do to my body in 20 days. But then I think about my aunt's brother who just had part of his lung removed and it just seems like a bad idea. So these are my musings while avoiding generalized linear models, and I wish I didn't feel like this.
On the small bright side, I just made my spa day appointment, which does make me a little happier and gives me something tremendously great to look forward to. Also, it has started thundering a little, so perhaps we'll get a satisfying storm and I can go play in the rain. That should brighten my day a bit.


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