I'm a little bit in love with Nathan Fillion

but then, I always was a sucker for the hero. The good, noble type - gets me every time. I pretty much always end up with celebrity crushes based solely on the quality of the character they play.

And that deleted scene from the pilot, where Zoe talks about leaving hope and trust and forgiveness behind and how once you've been to a place like Serenity you never leave, you just learn to live there...So Good.


Things I jotted down my last night in town

I set up my computer next to Granddad’s typewriter – the one he wrote his dissertation on, with keys for math symbols and the super-adjustable barrel for sub- and super-scripts. And suddenly I’m overwhelmed with the desire to bring the typewriter back to Atlanta with me, set it up on my desk, and glance over the top of my laptop screen at it, and gain inspiration while working on my dissertation. Then again, maybe it would just end up feeling like more familial pressure.

There’s a thing about old friends, your chosen family – they really are like your blood relations – they piss you off, get on your nerves, hurt your feelings…but they’re there. In this way that other people aren’t. Or can’t be. I’m not sure. But Jess and I had this moment driving home last night…she’d had a crappy evening (involving an ex-boyfriend and a canceled trip and harsh words) and we’d gone into safe mode, which meant drinking beer and chain smoking. And it’s funny, because Jess and I have known each other for ages, were really close in high school, are among the few people either of us stay in touch with, but I felt like we drifted apart through most of college…but now I keep finding ways in which we’re similar. And one of those ways is our bravado. We put on this front, well, it’s partially real and partially an act, about how we’re all in control and tough and unemotional…but there was this second in the car last night, around 1 am, when we both just cut the crap and admitted some things. And it was nice because it was so matter-of-fact, and not really a moment, in the sense that neither of us made a big deal about it. We were just there, and having this conversation, and laying it all out.

Misc. wrap-up

Yeah, so, like I've said a dozen times already, home was good. And in a lot of ways, new and interesting (therapy has that affect). It was reassuring to discover that I don't go completely back into my box, that I was able to push and change a bit, even in such familiar surroundings.

And it was also good, as usual, to be so happy to be back in this home. To wake up in my bed with the sun cascading in the bay window and the cat curled up beside me...to have my own space again.