Try not to worry
I really, really appreciate all the kind words. If I may be so selfish, keep 'em coming. They help. But also, I'm ok. As I've been telling people face to face - things still suck, but they've levelled off to the least amount of suck they're going to be for a while. I don't mean to be vague, but it's not my story to tell. And it's also just an unfortunate confluence of crap. When it rains it pours.
But today is much better. Today I spent 5 hours outside in the sun, grilling and playing kickball (and made some kick ass doubles, by the way). That helps.
What probably doesn't help is reliving my adolescence thanks to netflix. I've been re-watching Party of Five, and good grief is that show depressing! (I know, I know, I should be pop culturally embarrassed, but whatever) Anyway, I watched that show from age 13 to 19 (that can't be right. I don't remember watching it in college, and yet I know how it ends...) and it's funny for me to notice which storylines I still remember vividly and which I have no recollection of at all. For example, I remember Bailey's girlfriend OD-ing, Julia working underage as a waitress at a bar, and Claudia stuffing her bra. I have no memory of Julia's HIV positive friend or Charlie's ex-girlfriend coming out of the woodwork claiming to have his kid. I'm sure none of it is actually this meaningful, but I like to think the contrast between remembered and not remembered is actually a peek into my adolescent psyche and the things that resonated with me then.