You know that time, right about 10:30 on a Saturday night, when you've been staring at your computer screen for a little too long, and you just totally freaked yourself out by looking at the wrong graph and thinking that all the simulations you've spent the last 3 days running are completely wrong and will have to be done over again, and you've spent the last 3 minutes repeating "Oh Fuck" over and over again, then noticed the mistake in graphs, then kissed the computer screen you were so overjoyed not to have to re-run all the simulations, and you really just want to sit down, have a few beers, watch some tv, and go to bed, but instead you have to keep writing this paper because it's supposed to be around 30-50 pages long and you're working on page 4? Yeah...
Saturday, March 08, 2003
Dreamed (again) that I was getting married. What does that mean?
In other news, it's officially the first Saturday of Spring Break and I'm (naturally) sitting here in front of my computer. Of course, I'm blogging instead of working, but it's only a matter of time before I start making graphs and writing slides and working. Blah. At least I'm going to New York the end of next week. That'll be a nice vacation, assuming I can actually wrench myself away from thinking about QROC plots and SPlus code. I'm trying to promise myself that I won't take my laptop with me, but I guess we'll just have to wait and see how that turns out.
Thursday, March 06, 2003
ARG! Just had the most frustrating argument with someone with whom I usually enjoy verbally sparring. He did say that he was angrier than usual tonight, so perhaps that was bleeding through into our argument, but he just seemed so out of character (or perhaps I just don't know his character anymore) and the whole thing felt fruitless...which is probably why he left. I can't believe he actually said that "given my background" he wasn't surprised that I could break down the issue of a potential war in Iraq into a mere intellectual argument. I'm so surprised that he's lashing out at "privileged, white, suburbanites" who are only against the war because it's "trendy." This just doesn't sound like him at all. Not to mention, hypocritical. Being something other than white doesn't exactly take you out of the "privileged, suburbanite" crowd. ARG! And I don't really care if posting this rant makes me seem petty, no one else is awake around here and I needed to get it out of my system.
Wednesday, March 05, 2003
Stood on the sidewalk for about 45 minutes this afternoon, holding the "N" in a "HONK4peace" sign. Although it was somewhat exhilerating everytime someone honked and waved, I couldn't help but feel like it wasn't making much of a difference. Perhaps it's because CWRU is such a conservative (and/or apathetic) campus that there were only about a dozen of us out there, but I wondered if bigger protest marches/rallies/etc. felt more like they had an impact. I think the whole idea of a walkout is great, and it would have been really cool if people just stopped working and going to class today, and hopefully in other cities that happened...but with so few people, it was hard to feel like holding signs and getting some publicity was really going to change much. Driving organizations to a grinding halt, that would have felt like change. Even phone calls and e-mails to my congressional representatives feel more like action than standing out in the cold did today. Perhaps I was just in the wrong place. Maybe standing out in the cold on the steps of the capital would have felt different. Weird, and sad, that I needed a bigger crowd to feel as if what I thought and said and did mattered...shouldn't I be enough? But realistically, I know I'm not. Idealistically, I believe that one person can enact change. But only if that one person does something to attract the attention of the masses.
Sunday, March 02, 2003
One more quick post as a shameless sales pitch - my roommies and I are moving out in June and selling a ton of our stuff (bookcases, tables, a fouton, chairs, etc.). We are also looking for new tenants to take up residence in our lovely 3-bedroom apt. If you know anyone who's interested, put 'em in touch with me. Thanks!